One of the family conflicts we address most in our one-on-one coaching sessions is the lack of prioritization of family emotional well-being. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness within the home causes shouting, violence, and the absence of peace to lead only to the deep sadness of its members, especially children.
They, as innocent witnesses and sometimes unable to recognize prolonged happiness, can suffer in silence for years until they reach physical maturity, become independent, rebel, or repeat the same stories of their parents. In some cases, they are also victims of violent children who physically, verbally, or emotionally ridicule those children who are now adults and who have not been able to manage intrafamily conflicts.
What to do?
1) Seek specialized help
There are three types of people:
a) People who seek help from their family, magazines, or closest friends, who are generally not specialized individuals and who have the same problems or more serious conflicts within their own family, or who, simply, besides giving opinions or listening, are not qualified to guide, advise, and validate the way to handle and eliminate conflicts and intrafamily violence. The characteristics of these types of people are that they deny the mistakes they themselves provoke and trigger; they use accusations toward the other party as a defense mechanism to avoid finding specialized help and developing themselves as normal and functional human beings.
b) People who seek specialized help when the conflict repeats on a larger scale in the next generation, that is, they could not solve their conflicts and now see them commonly repeated in their children. This type of person is generally inspired by the deep pain of seeing the generational repetition of their own story in their children.
c) Finally, we have the case, generally, of victims who want to break that cycle and seek help to stop suffering and repeating the pains that, generally, their mothers or grandmothers went through.
2) Study and memorize the types of aggressors
From our experience, there are three types of aggressors: physical, verbal, or emotional.
Physical aggressor
This type of person reacts violently, and their anger is materialized in the form of insults, blows, disappearances, economic violence, minimization of their actions, such as: “I only pushed her, I didn’t hit her” or “She or he yelled at me and insulted me,” among others.
Verbal aggressor
Taken in the heat of the moment, this is someone who directs insults or derogatory words to their listeners, words that impregnate the soul of their victims, generally minors, and last forever until they seek help.
Emotional aggressor
Someone who accuses their victim because he or she has a different point of view, and the aggressor generally believes they are right. These emotional aggressors generally try to justify themselves to others, relentlessly seeking to discredit the victim’s image in front of family and friends; justifying their aggression as the result of the victim having done something against them and that this is the cause of the violence toward that person. And although they may be right, they never look for errors within themselves, and in some cases, the same aggressor can have at least two of these characteristics.
3) Identification and acceptance of aggressors
There are three concepts we must learn regarding intrafamily violence to eliminate violence within the family:
Potential murderers
If you are a victim of any of these types of aggressors, it is necessary to learn and teach that, unfortunately, the physical aggressor must immediately leave the home because they cannot control their anger and could become a potential murderer. A typical case is an alcoholic man: if he is confronted by his wife or a family member, he could react violently against his opponent, push them, and accidentally kill them in the least severe case. These people need specialized medical help.
If you cannot tell your aggressor to leave voluntarily and rationally, we can help you so that the physically violent person leaves the home peacefully.
Nobody can change anyone
It does not matter how much you argue that you think a person should behave respectfully, responsibly, and maturely. If that person does not want to, nobody can force them. But you can always seek help, change, and learn to distance yourself, managing these situations while respecting your own rights and those of others.
You do not need to stay in contact with your aggressor
If you are a victim of violence, it is not necessary to maintain contact with the person who harms you. Keep your distance if you feel that every time you speak to them, call them, answer their calls, or have any type of contact, it generates more problems or worsens your emotional state. Distancing yourself from an emotional risk situation is like when a waiter asks: “What kind of coffee would you like? Cappuccino, mochaccino, or espresso?” You are free to choose and say, “No, thank you, I want tea.”
Conclusion
Intrafamily violence deeply affects the emotional well-being of all family members, especially children, who are innocent witnesses of conflicts. Recognizing the different types of aggressors —physical, verbal, or emotional— and understanding that we cannot change anyone allows us to make responsible decisions to protect ourselves and our family. Distancing ourselves from risk situations, seeking specialized help, and developing emotional intelligence are fundamental steps to break cycles of violence and resentment.
At International Family Coaching, we promote the motto: Zero divorces, zero violence, and zero suicides. We are here to support those who wish to build a safe home, healthy relationships, and emotional well-being, offering guidance, support, and practical tools to positively transform family life.
Find us on our social media as @International Family Coaching, @Teresa Ruiz Pedersen, or through these links.
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