Chapter 2 of the Series: “How to Get to ‘I Do’ Without Asking”

Acts of violence happen all over the world, often against women and children. Unfortunately, in most cases, these acts are committed by men who, in a fit of rage, lash out at their wives. This rage often manifests as aggression toward physically weaker individuals who lack the strength to defend themselves. In some instances, these aggressors even beat their partners in front of their own children, who may also become collateral victims when trying to defend their mothers. It’s also true that in some cases, this rage can lead to tragedy, even taking the lives of their victims.

Everyone — especially women and children — needs to understand that a man who hits a woman or a child is a potential killer.

But why can he be seen that way? Because anyone who holds a physical advantage and is consumed by anger can lash out at someone, and if that person falls and hits their head or neck, it can be fatal.

We also need to reflect on a troubling reality that affects many beautiful, intelligent, and kind women: they get involved with violent men to the point of putting their lives at risk at some point in the relationship. The answer is harsh but simple: some women do not know, do not understand, or have not been emotionally educated to walk away from danger. They fail to identify people with risk factors and, in many cases, end up in relationships that may result in violence against them and/or their children.

That’s why it’s so important to recognize the warning signs of a man who, at some point in his life, could become physically or emotionally abusive and destroy peace and respect within the family.

What are the characteristics of a violent person?

Recognizing these traits in time can save lives. Here are some common signs violent men often show toward women:

• Habitual drinkers (chronic alcohol use)
  A person who regularly consumes alcohol often causes problems in their close environment due to inappropriate — and in many cases — aggressive behavior.

• Constant smokers or individuals with addictions
  Anxiety and emotional distress, when unresolved, are often channeled into addictions like drugs, cigarettes, or alcohol. These addictions are signs of a lack of internal control.

• Use of foul language in everyday speech
  These individuals lack emotional awareness and respect — for themselves and for others. Offensive and aggressive language becomes part of their everyday communication, and they tend to be verbally abusive toward women, often criticizing them constantly.

• Jealous or envious of their partner’s success
  When a woman has a stable job and the man is unemployed or struggling, he may develop feelings of inferiority that turn into envy. If left unaddressed, this emotion can lead to physical and emotional violence.
  Interestingly, these men often behave politely and respectfully with other men, but show a rude, vulgar, and discriminatory attitude toward women in the home.

How to distance yourself from violent people?

You should always distance yourself from what is harmful. But if the violent person is part of your family, the situation must be handled with great care:

• If the aggressor is your husband and/or the father of your children, it’s best to seek help from professionals experienced in emotional intervention, so the relationship can end peacefully, with both parents acting responsibly.
  Having a hostile relationship with the father of your children is not healthy — unless he is a criminal or poses a direct threat to your or your children’s physical or mental well-being. If that’s not the case, seek support for a civil and respectful separation.
  But if you are afraid of him — that’s a clear sign that he is dangerous. Get immediate, specialized help.

• If the aggressor is a relative, don’t make excuses for him. Don’t create touching stories about his difficult childhood. Many of us have suffered in childhood, but if someone’s past is affecting their adult behavior, that person has a responsibility to seek emotional help to heal and change.

• If the aggressor is your son, remind him every single day that men are called to be leaders of the family, not destroyers. Authority is not abuse — it’s responsibility.

• If you are the aggressor, seek help until you find it, dive deep, and eliminate the root causes of your rage. Only then can you reintegrate into society as a healthy and civilized man. No one can live in peace while destroying those around them.

• If you’re dating someone who shows signs of violence, the best thing you can do is walk away. Physical and emotional abuse are NOT negotiable. Every human being has the right to be treated well — and the obligation to treat others well, too.
  Don’t believe you can change him. No one can change another person. Only emotional intervention from a professional — like a Family Coach — can help that person identify the source of their aggression and how it’s affecting their adult life. But the decision to change is always personal.

• If you are a woman who gets involved with aggressive men, take a deep look at your thoughts and why you allow dangerous people into your life — often just because they tell you a tragic story, and you adopt them mentally (and then physically) like a child.
  This happened to a young woman who was kidnapped months after beginning a relationship with her abuser. During an emotional coaching session, while I was explaining why we must walk away from danger, she told me she believed he was a good man — that he could overcome his tragic childhood… because he had a religious tattoo on his arm.
  Fortunately, this young woman escaped, sought help, and survived.

💬 Emotional knowledge saves lives

Violence isn’t always visible at first glance. Sometimes, it hides behind a smile, a sad story, or a tattoo with a spiritual symbol.

That’s why it’s so important to educate ourselves emotionally — to recognize the warning signs, walk away from danger, and choose healthy relationships.

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