When a woman decides to move into a spare room, it means there are untold issues that she can no longer handle with her husband. That also means she cannot speak about what’s going on, what she’s feeling, and what resentments she cannot express to her husband. The lack of development in how we express our feelings to our husbands often causes a long period of struggle with anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, this behavior will likely cause the relationship to worsen.
On the other hand, men are not naturally good at talking about their problems or emotions, as women are. So when their wives move into another room, some men see it as an opportunity for revenge. Many of them begin to hang out online looking for other women, either through online events or even in-person parties. In other cases, men go out to drink beer with male friends or family, and talk to them instead of their wives. Most of the time, they receive the same advice: get a divorce.
After waiting months, hoping your husband will come and talk about the problems you’re facing—but he doesn’t—you might decide to physically leave the marital home. Sometimes, your husband may even help you move out. That was the case with Trine. Trine left her home and moved into a rented apartment. After a few months, she could no longer afford it and decided to go back to live with her parents. Meanwhile, her husband remained at home.
In this case, we need to analyze the facts that Trine may not have considered before she deserted the marriage.
- Trine’s emotions are in control of her, instead of her being in control of her emotions.
- There is something in her thinking that isn’t working properly, and she needs to fix it.
- She did not consider the financial reality of living alone, and this was made worse by the depression, anxiety, and loneliness she was already feeling.
When one spouse leaves the relationship physically, it often means they emotionally abandoned the relationship long before—because they were unable to express their feelings. Their emotions were never allowed to spill out during their time together. This kind of emotional shutdown can lead to divorce.
Under the law in Virginia, for example, “desertion or abandonment can be justified in cases involving intimate partner violence or severe cruelty, but emotional cruelty is treated differently. A spouse may still seek divorce on those grounds, but they must provide evidence that the emotional harm was directly caused by the other spouse’s behavior.
This reflects the legal challenge many women face: emotional distress is real, but unless it’s clearly linked to abusive actions, it may not meet the legal standard for cruelty. That’s why seeking help and developing communication skills early is so crucial—before the emotional distance turns into permanent separation.
In my experience, many women also argue that staying in a home with someone they can’t connect with doesn’t solve anything—it may even harm their mental health. Still, leaving the home isn’t always the solution either.
So, if you’re facing communication problems with your husband and feel like moving to another room just to find space to think, it is imperative that you take steps to seek qualified help.
We are here to help you improve your communication skills and free your heart from the deep negative emotions that are affecting your mental and physical wellbeing.