Arthur E. Jongsma, in the book “The Adolescent Psychotherapy Treatment Planner”, Fifth Edition, states that there is a “marked increase in frequency and severity of acting-out, oppositional, and aggressive behaviors since the onset of the parents’ marital problems, separation, or divorce.” The doctors recommend, as a long-term goal, therapy to help children “accept the parents’ separation or divorce with understanding and control of feelings and behavior.” But can a little boy or girl truly accept something that affects them forever? Or is it perhaps society that needs to be re-educated?

One of the main challenges children face around the world, is the day when one or both parents announce their separation for any reason. This causes a profound emotional pain inside the children’s mind that could remain in their minds forever. Most children will react immediately, in the form of self-blame for the parents’ situation, self-destructive behaviors, or a desperate need for affection, affiliation and acceptance.

At the same time, some children meet at school and share the pain, feeling “alone and abandon for one or both parents”. Life for them will not be the same again. Many could understand the situation years later and try desperately to form they own family. However, they will also probably fail because they do not have a family system that supports them. But what they can do?

The parents must think about one hundred times before they get married and one thousand times before they get a divorce. Adults are the responsible people in charge of children. They must find help to stop the problem at home. For instance, the definition of adolescent is a person, who does not have enough maturity to face a huge family problem that will affect his or her life forever.  Divorce must be seen like a broken glass, not a something that somebody has to accept. If I, as a parent, see the divorce a situation where I will miss my favorite glass of something, then the marriage will be something that I will care and keep it forever and ever more.

Society must change the appreciation of divorce. It is not something that could be done, unless the person is married with a lunatic, alcoholic or substance abuser. Divorce is a situation that will affect the children forever and most of them will be affected in a negative way.

People must be reeducated to get married with maturity and with respect for their own children and society. This is something that we must put into practice in every single aspect of our education system. We must be clear that someone’s aggressive behavior is often a consequence of problems at home.

In conclusion, divorce is a very important decision that parents should examinate profoundly. Society can help children deal with the emotional challenges caused by divorce, since as a child they have no choice. But parents must take responsibility and seek help to avoid a divorce because it should not be seen as an option. This commitment from parents can help ensure a society with less violence and aggression.

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